How Can I Be Conflicted?

How can I be conflicted about getting a new dog? What does it say about me as a person – as a dog mom – that I haven’t already brought home a little beast?

Without the schedule restrictions of a fur family, I have been able to work more, and I really enjoy it. (But what do I do with all the money I earn? I put it in a fund toward adopting a pup.). When I cook, I cry because there is no one at my feet hoovering up my crumbs. On the other hand, it has been really wonderful sleeping through the night without being awakened by insane barking. 

So many of my friends tell of stopping to adopt a pup on the way home from having to let one go. So what’s wrong with me?

What’s wrong with you? Where shall I start?

45 Comments

  1. ssnowdrops's avatar

    THERE IS NOTHING AT ALL WRONG WITH YOU !!!!!!!!!
    YOU WILL HAVE ANOTHER FUR BABE WHEN YOU ARE READY !. STOP BEING SO HARD ON YOURSELF !!! WHEN YOUR MIND AND HEART TELL YOU ITS TIME YOU WILL JUST GO AND DO IT !!! GIVE YOURSELF AS LONG AS YOU NEED TO GRIEVE .. BE IT A DAY OR A WEEK OR A MONTH OR A YEAR !!!! ONE DAY YOU WILL SIMPLY GO AND THE FUR BABE WILL CALL OUT TO YOU !!
    SO ENJOY YOUR FREE TIME NOW ALL SHALL BE WELL ALL IS WELL

  3. marthadilo3's avatar

    When the time is right you will know. My sister had the same experience and it’s been two years. She has babysat and walked friends dogs but has not gotten one yet. One will choose her eventually if it’s meant to be . There’s nothing wrong with you! Take the time and care for yourself!

  4. suziecreamcheese's avatar

    Let me tell you a story. After Max – my first Golden Retriever – died, I grieved. I grieved harder than I had since my Mom passed. I was almost unable to function. He died in April. 13 days after his death, Maverick was born. 5 weeks later, we were visiting the breeder and being chosen by this adorable little red puppy who wrapped his paws around my arm and wormed his way into my broken heart. I adored him then and I adore him now. BUT —–and this is a big one—- I wanted Max back. I wanted a younger, healthy Max. I got a puppy I still call the Anti-Max. I was prepared for a 10 year old dog. I was not prepared for a wild child who to this day does not know that sometimes the party ends and you have to take a break. Would I give him up? Never. But I know, even though I didn’t know it then, that it was too soon. I was not ready to take on the challenge of a wild child at that point So if you do decided to get another dog? Take your time. Don’t let anyone guilt you into this. You went through hell and back with Toby, give yourself a break.

  6. Unknown's avatar

    While I don’t think another dog is out of the question, I’d first nail down a few things, and I mean nail them down solid. This would be my approach…

    First you need to determine what was the cause of Toby’s health failing. What did the MRIs show? What did the blood labs show? What were the theories? What was the true cause? He sounded like he was healthy, at least healthy enough to undergo a complicated surgery with a lengthy recovery time, that never got to happen.

    Next, I’d want to nail down your support group. Who are these friends? Who lived with you and Toby. These folks didn’t sound too supportive when support was desperately needed. I’m mean… I dunno… maybe ultimately you took these folks as the voice of reason. But in my humble opinion the voice of reason, out of the gate, doesn’t call for a dog to be destroyed ever. It seemed like folks were gunning for Toby and by extension you. This isn’t support.

    Next, I’d search for a better vet. When I read your post that Toby was destroyed shortly after an expensive and complicated surgery I was fuming. (I seriously would have come and taken Toby and given him a lovely home. I’m rather close to where you are.). What was the diagnosis? Was it just a guess? Why undergo such a medical ordeal only to be gone a little over a week later? There are very good vets and specialist in your area. I’m something of a lunatic and even want to know how up to date the MRI machine is and when it’s serviced. What’s the point of out of date technology that can’t get decent images and also if the vet doesn’t know how to read these images.

    Incidentally, only from reading your posts over the years do I have one theory about why Toby might have changed personality-wise, but it’s just a long shot theory based on your blog.

    Finally, if you want another dog sooner than later, perhaps choose one that is something of the opposite of a Cairn this way Toby isn’t the basis of comparison. If you do get another Cairn, I’d definitely choose another breeder and entirely different line. Perhaps joining the National all-breed club would be something also to do. You would find the resources there endless and people with a love of a particular breed tend to want to help others with the same love of that breed.

    Anony-mouse and The Terrier

  7. doesitevenmatter3's avatar

    Nothing is wrong with you!
    I think you are doing exactly what should be done.
    Allow yourself time to grieve and heal properly. Allow yourself time to figure out what your life should look like moving forward. Allow yourself some you-time.
    And if there is another furry-kid in your future, he or she will find you and adopt you…probably when you least expect it! 😉 🙂 ❤️
    As we know, having a furry-kid “rule” our lives ( 😉 HA!) is a big deal commitment, so only go for it when you are ready. 🙂
    Love, (((HUGS))) and Cooper-KISSES!!! 🙂
    PS…HA! “What’s wrong with you? Where shall I start?” I’m SURE Coop has said that to me many times by that certain look in his eyes. HA!!! Thanks for the laugh, SweetL! 🙂

  10. martywal's avatar

    You’re conflicted because your life has been turned upside-down and it isn’t right-side up again yet. Don’t over-think this. When the right time–and the right dog–comes along, you’ll know it. Have a cookie!

  12. Julia's avatar

    Give yourself permission to heal. You have been through a dreadful time, both mentally and physically. Your health has been bad with Lyme disease and you should give yourself time to feel better.

    We didn’t get another pet right away after our beloved Athena had to be put to sleep. Bruce wanted another dog, but I just couldn’t bring myself to get another dog.

    Not long after, Bruce was diagnosed with cancer and I was glad I wasn’t dealing with a puppy while my world was falling apart.

    After Bruce was recovered from chemo, he really wanted a dog. We found our Nox and Luna at a shelter not long after we started looking.

    I believe you will know when you are ready to find another dog to love. Please don’t feel guilty and let yourself rest and recover. Adopting a dog is a life changing event and you should go at your own pace.

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