I Sit

I sit…

with my hand clutching the blue marbled slab,

cramped so badly I fear it will never unfurl,

ears straining in vain to hear the words to release

me from this prison.

I sit…

My back aches.

My bladder screams.

My eyes no longer see this world

but view strange vistas from another.

I sit…

and my once vibrant puppy dog

so full of life!

now motionless on the floor.
His anguished cries of hunger finally at an end.*

I sit…

as the sun runs away

the stars sleep

the mountains lie down

and the oceans no longer cry tears.

It’s dark, and still I sit…

waiting…

on hold…

with the IRS.

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Can you guess what I spent my day doing? Yes, sitting on hold with the IRS.

On the plus side, the agent I dealt with was very professional and courteous. He was helpful and was able to handle my question quickly. On the down side, the IRS doesn’t have a call back system. You’ve just got to wait on hold until your turn comes up (multiple hours), and they have awful, awful hold music. We once had a discussion here about ”insipid”. That would be a good word to describe their eternally-looping music.

My advice before calling the IRS:

  • Make sure your phone is fully charged.
  • Have a light snack.
  • Be sure to use the facilities first.
  • Walk and feed your dog! ( – Toby)

Mom, this is soooo boring. Come playchasewith me instead.

*In case you were worried, Toby stopped complaining because he fell asleep. He didn’t die of hunger.

What Is a Museum?

Cover of the book Dream Our World

I thought I knew what a museum was.  A museum either contained artwork or dinosaurs or historical artifacts.  I’m old-school and picture all of these displays housed in columned, marble buildings.

To me, a children’s museum would be one of these categories but perhaps with some tactile displays or themes that would appeal to the young.  Turns out that the word’s definition of a children’s museum is quite different from mine.

I have been trying to market my book to museum gift shops, and I had thought that children’s museums would be perfect.  I couldn’t have been more wrong.  The closest children’s museum to me advertises itself as a place where children can “play in the mud, hammer nails or change the tires on a car”.  At another, kids can “pick up local crops and take them to market”.  Not to be forgotten is the museum where kids can “shop for groceries and check out at the register”.

So many of the museums in my state list grocery store lines as a main attraction.  Really?  Couldn’t you just take your child to the store and let them check out?  These museums remind me of the Traffic Jam Roller Coaster in the Progressive Commercials.  Far too boring to be considered fun.

I would hate to be a kid with a weekend dad in any of these towns.

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For real museum fun (and yes, there is such a thing…at the MOTI!), pick up a copy of Dream Our World.  At the Museum of the Imagination, Bitey and Toby view the world of art from a canine perspective and enjoy a day of unsupervised fun.

Cover of the book Dream Our World

Dream Our World is available from Amazon.