Every year I have to have something odd show up in the garden (other than me, of course). This year I got a sunflower that reminds me of Jeff Dunham’s character Peanut.
Since I took this picture, the birds have eaten all of the seeds on this guy’s forehead, but they are leaving the regular-looking sunflowers alone. Maybe they are trying to make him look more like Achmed?
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Seriously, just pee on that thing, and let’s get back to what is more important.
Me.
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Come see what trouble my boys can get into Dream Our World. Inside they visit the Museum of the Imagination and view the world of art from a canine perspective all while enjoying a day of unsupervised fun!
I blame my mom for this. I mentioned to her that I could really go for a brownie or a piece of cake but I didn’t think I could open my mouth far enough to bite one. “Oh,” she said, “cakes and brownies smoosh up really easily. Smash, smash, smash and they are ready to eat!” Turns out she was right. Dip them in coffee, and they go down even easier. Sigh. When will I stop listening to my mom?
Huh? Did you say something?
I stopped listening to you a long time ago.
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To find out what more my boys do when they ignore me, pick up a copy of Dream Our World. Inside Bitey and Toby view the world of art from a canine perspective and enjoy a day of unsupervised fun.
After two long and painful months, I might finally have an answer to what happened to me. Northerners will be nodding their heads in “Wasn’t it so obvious?” gestures while southerners will shrug their shoulders at what we’re talking about. Evidently I am a textbook case of Lyme’s disease.
Lyme’s disease is a stupid disease carried by stupid ticks that travel on stupid deer that for some reason we are not allowed to slaughter when they come waltzing into our yards. I haven’t been to any exotic locations or hiked in the deep woods. I am mainly in the yard and walking along the road in this neighborhood. Somehow while pulling weeds or playing ball with my puppy, a stupid tick bit me and gave me this stinking disease.
These blasted things can be pretty small when they climb up on you.
I was completely unaware of the bite, and I never had the tell-tale bull’s eye rash we are warned about. It turns out that the Luchadora red rash with purple splotches I had is actually more typical of the disease than the bull’s eye.
I wasn’t the only one to get a tick borne disease in the yard. When Toby had his physical in April, we found out he has anaplasmosis. Toby got lucky. Although he has antibodies, he didn’t show symptoms. Mommy on the other paw…all the symptoms.
I told you I was special.
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While northern dogs are now routinely vaccinated for Lyme’s disease, there is no vaccine for humans. When I asked the vet about this several years ago, she said that so far human vaccines just aren’t very effective. Treatment for Lyme’s is a course of antibiotics. I guess it is just easier to treat humans than to try to prevent them from getting sick in the first place.
Part of me is pissed at the way things went. If I had been able to see a doctor right away, I wouldn’t have had to go through months of misery (and exorbitant medical bills). I had a friend say something encouraging, though. She pointed out how much I learned from this experience that I wouldn’t otherwise know. That is true. I learned a lot of medical things, and I learned how to be annoying enough that people pay attention to you.
Nyah! Nyah! You can’t touch us!
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If you would like to help finance Toby’s and my campaign to rid our neighborhoods of Venison-on-the-Hoof, then pick up a copy of Dream Our World! At least part of the proceeds will go toward pressuring lawmakers into letting us sending these game vermin to deer-y Valhalla.
Come with Bitey and Toby to the Museum of the Imagination in Dream Our World where they view the world of art from a canine perspective and enjoy a day of unsupervised fun! Dream Our World (and other fine gifts) are available from my shop at L Bowman Studios.
Once again, this post is largely for me. I know I am going to want to remember these events, and Bitey Dog serves as my journal. Read only if you need a sleep aid.
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Weeks ago I had a bump on my head that brought fever, joint pain, swelling and a bright red insanely itchy rash that eventually covered 13% of my body (but thankfully the redness has faded.). For every one of these symptoms it is recommended that you call your doctor. I tried. I tried for three weeks, but the office refused to give me an appointment. When I called and asked if there were any appointments available that day, they told me to go to a practice 15 miles away- maybe they would take me as a walk in. When I asked if I could schedule an appointment for the next day, I was told to “Call first thing in the morning, bright and early at 8:00 a.m. sharp, and maybe you can get an appointment for that day.” When I asked to schedule for the following day, they said I should “Call first thing in the morning, bright and early at 8:00 a.m. sharp, and maybe you can get an appointment for that day.” On a different occasion I was told to go to the emergency room if I couldn’t breathe. Well, I could obviously breathe: I was talking to them. On another occasion I was told that the rash I had “was likely a granuloma because, you know, you have a history of granuloma on your face.” 🙄
So, I kept soldiering on until last weekend when family was in town. I was trying to socialize, but my facial deformities were so bad that family wanted to know if I were alright. No, actually I wasn’t.
Not only was my face drooping and paralyzed but my tongue was numb, my taste was screwed up, and I could not open or close my mouth. It was so bad that the next day I barged into the doctor’s office without an appointment and demanded to see someone saying that I thought I’d had a stroke. Someone showed up in seconds and said “What are you doing here? You should be at the hospital.” I wanted to know if there were anything that imitated a stroke that I might have. The only thing the doctor could come up with was to ask me if I had any tick bites. No, no tick bites. “Then get to the ER!’
So, off to the ER went Bitey Mom. When I got to the check in, they asked what was wrong, and I told them my doctor thought I’d had a stroke. “Stroke!” they yelled into their walkie-talkies, and I was quickly whisked away. After doing blood tests, pee tests, heart tests, reflex tests and a CAT scan, the ER doctor determined that I hadn’t had a stroke but had Bell’s Palsy and a whopping bad case of TMJ. I was surprised because I had been told I had Bell’s Palsy before, but this felt different enough that I didn’t recognize it.
To my surprise and joy, the ER doc actually listened when I told her about what had been going on with me. She even asked questions. After she told me I had BP, she said she thought it was triggered by a virus and gave me some comically oversized anti-virals.
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Even horses won’t take these.
Then the doctor asked me if I have any family history with autoimmune diseases and she listened when I said “yes”. (At least four doctors brushed me off when I told them about my family history.). She said that from the symptoms I have been having, it looks like I have lupus. I told her about being tested for MS last year because of how much my symptoms resembled MS. The last doctor I went to said that it looks like what I have is MS but pre-lesion. The ER doc reassured me that I don’t have any lesions.
Shortly after my ER visit I could feel that the Bell’s Palsy was not going to stay on one side. By the end of the day it had encompassed the other side of my face as well.
I feel really self-conscious because I can’t smile. My Resting Bitch Face is somewhere between pained and angry. I tried to engage Toby in some play when I got home from the hospital, but he misunderstood my facial expression (or lack thereof) and growled at me. I make sure to use a super cheerful voice and positive body language when I work with him now.
The Many Faces of Bilateral Neuralgia
I hadn’t realized until my ER visit that the nerves that controls the face and the trigeminal nerves are so close together. I have a lot of swelling in that area of my head that it has affected both. (As well as my ears. I am having hearing problems too.)For a couple weeks now I haven’t been able to close my mouth to chew. I was just swallowing chunks of food, but that led to stomach upset. Eventually I gave up and started pureeing my food. It looks like meal time at the old folks home, but it sure feels good to eat again.
I asked the ER doctor about the awful pain in my head (scalp) that feels like I have been badly beaten as well as the occipital neuralgia, and she told me that is likely due to the lupus. Out of curiosity I looked up how long lupus flares last, and most descriptions say a couple of days. What?! This has been going on over five weeks. I am exhausted because I can’t stand to put my head on a pillow. My neck hurts too much for me to sleep more than three hours. If this is what lupus is like for me, then it is going to be a difficult future.
Next I’m supposed to see a rheumatologist. I made a bunch of calls and ended up with an appointment for Dec 21. Yeah, something tells me that isn’t going to happen. My neighbor is encouraging me to do a televisit to see if I can talk to someone sooner. Evidently I look really bad, and she is worried about me. I’m going to see what I can do about that on Monday.
If you would care to see what devilment my boys get into when I’m not around, pick up a copy of Dream Our World. Inside the boys visit the Museum or the Imagination and view the world of art from a canine perspective all while enjoying a day of unsupervised fun.
Grandma got to see Toby stop the Fed Ex truck in the middle of an intersection with his antics. This was her comment:
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What can I say? I like me some Milk Bones.
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To find out what other things my boys have been up to, pick up a copy of Dream Our World. Inside Bitey and Toby view the world of art from a canine perspective and enjoy a day of unsupervised fun.
In real life I look even worse than in these pictures. My camera seems to want to color correct. I guess “lobster” isn’t deemed an appropriate color for a human.
Mommy says I have to tell everyone that she has never raised a paw to me in real life.
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To find out what other mischief Bitey and Toby like to get into, pick up a copy of Dream Our World. Inside they visit the Museum of the Imagination where they view the world of art from a canine perspective and enjoy a day of unsupervised fun.
Unlike Valentine’s Day, where Toby got me a gift more suited to his tastes, for Mothers’ Day he got me a gift I could actually use.
I can still chew on the shirt if I want to.
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Come with Bitey and Toby on a tour of the Museum of the Imagination as they view the world of art from a canine perspective and enjoy a day of unsupervised fun in Dream Our World.
When a new delivery driver started this route, she memorized every home that had a pup and left a Milk Bone on top of each package she delivered. It didn’t take long for all the dogs dog in the neighborhood to recognize the sound of her truck and bark like crazy whenever they heard it.
Toby can hear the engine a half mile away. If we happen to be out for a walk when it is coming, he will plant himself in the middle of the road to wait for his personalized biscuit delivery. He puts on such a performance that sometimes the driver has to stop traffic to give my little monster a Milk Bone. Woe to the dog several houses away that can see my boy eating his treat and yet is too far away to get hers!
And yes, Toby will climb the steps to get to his biscuit if he gets the chance.
What can I say? I am a sucker for Milk Bones.
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Would you like to see what else Bitey and Toby are up to? Then pick up a copy of Dream Our World. Inside the boys visit the Museum of the Imagination and enjoy a day of unsupervised fun.
The Adventures of Bitey Dog 