Barkers (Another Bad Poem by Bitey Dog)

Cairn terrier sitting on tile floor

We bark in the morning.

We bark in the night.

We bark to surprise folks

And cause them a fright.

A squirrel on the railing

Deserves an “Awoo!”

Till our barkers stop working

Our job is not through.

– Bitey Dog

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Bitey and Toby’s next book is close to being done. Hooray! Everyone can be glad that I haven’t posted in a while because I would likely have taken over Bitey’s blog to whine and complain about how I don’t understand formatting and how my word processor is not working. (As you can see, I did not do that today. Bwahahaha!)

Before the next book comes out, you may want to read Poopiter. Poopiter tells of Geordie and Toby’s first year together and how Toby kept trying to kill himself. (He tried again last week. Different toad, though.)

Bitey Dog and Toby in POOPITER

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The Serenade

Cairn terrier sleeping in dirty laundry

I took my family for a walk.

It was so very long.

When I got home I ate a lot.

It was so very wrong.

Now in my bed I lie and toot

Until the church bells dong.

Birds fly through my noxious cloud

And quickly lose their song.

(Yes, it’s been another Alpo day.)

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Visiting the Funeral Home

Picture of a funeral home

On Monday, the boys and I accompanied Grandma to the funeral home to say goodbye to another friend and neighbor we have lost this year. (Well, we haven’t lost them. We know where they are, but we can’t see them from where we’re standing.)

The pups and I waited outside while Grandma went inside to pay her respects. While we were out there, person after person came out of the building and straight over to Geordie and Toby. They had to greet and be greeted. They told me stories of their own beloved pups – both those who had passed and those who had recently joined the family. Every person left with a big smile on his or her face.

Children especially seem cheered and distracted from the grief around them when there is a puppy at the funeral home. Maybe more could consider having therapy dogs on site for those who need the comfort. I know I would want to visit the therapy dog.

Two Cairn terriers sitting in the grass.

We’re puppies. We can fix anything!!

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I’ve Got to Get Me One of These!

Not my picture. It is borrowed from another post.

Geordie says:

A friend just posted this picture of a coyote vest. Actually, this particular ensemble has a coyote vest, coyote bristles and a spiked collar. Not only would this protect me from neighborhood coyotes but it would keep Mom from hugging me all the time. Honestly, she is like Pepe Le Pew, and I am poor Penelope. It’s awful!

Anyone want to transfer some kibble to my PayPup account? I’ll pay ya back. Honest. (*cough, cough, hack*)

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Wanna catch up on what Toby and I have been up to before our next book comes out? Then pick up a copy of Poopiter! Poopiter tells the illustrated story of our first year together.

Poopiter is available at Amazon.

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Mr. Boombalatti Hides the Evidence

Dog dish half hidden under carpet

To Toby’s great dismay, I have had to put him on a diet for Lent. Geordie’s pickiness over food has given Toby ample opportunities to become roly-poly by eating his brother’s leftovers. The other day I found this going on in the kitchen. In the background, I was pretty sure I could hear Shaggy singing, “It wasn’t me…”

Dog photobombs picture with dish and toy in background

I’m telling you, it was Blue Puppy who ate all the food!

As you can see, Toby clearly blames his little blue puppy for getting into the dishes and then trying to hide the evidence under the rug.

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The Biscuit Battle

Happy smiling Cairn terrier sitting next to flowers.

Last year when my beautiful Geordie was diagnosed with cancer, I was devastated. The vet said my vibrant, active boy had only a few weeks to live so I made it my mission to make him the most spoiled, happiest terrier in all of history.

Geordie has surprised us all by continuing to live a full life despite his illness. I am thrilled to have my puppy with me for far longer than expected. What I hadn’t counted on was just how spoiled a little dog can be when he gets everything he wants.

For the past few weeks, he has been positively insufferable. I have had to cut back on treats and special attention and put him back on the schedule he had before that fateful vet visit. It has been a difficult decision for me because I realize that I may lose him at any moment. What kind of a pet parent am I if I deny my puppy his final wish of Marro Bones? Good or bad, I did it anyway.

Geordie hasn’t given up squawking for treats, but I have noticed that his eyes seem brighter and his tummy isn’t rumbling as much. He even decided to take me for a walk today. It seems like an obvious solution to keep a pet on a strict healthy diet, but it is difficult to do when the pet is getting ready to leave.

Geordie insisted that he have a say on today’s blog:

First, I have to tell on Toby. He went to sleep in my bed, and he didn’t get in trouble at all!!

This evening, Mom took me out to pee. After we came inside, Toby said he had to pee. (Never at the same time, right?) While they were outside, I very kindly helped Mommy open the jar of biscuits in the closet and eat them. You can tell she likes Toby best because I got yelled at and he didn’t even though he was the one who got caught with the lid in his mouth. Harrumph. Why even have biscuits if you are not going to give them to me?!?

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Kitty, Puppy or Fox?

Since Geordie’s cancer diagnosis, I have found it difficult to write about my boys or even draw and post silly pictures of them. Instead I write about Toby and me going to visit the fallen tree. It is my way of coping. We have had some really good days lately, though, and I want to hold onto them here.

On Saturday, Geordie surprised me by waking me up an hour early to tell me that it was sunny and cold out. He was so excited that he wanted to leave for a walk right away. When I told him I needed to get dressed first he stormed off in a huff and threw himself down on the kitchen floor.

After a few minutes for my morning routine, I got the boys dressed in their harnesses, and we headed out. I was totally stunned at how far my little boy was able to go. We wandered for over a mile together as my two marked everything they could reach. I could see a difference in Toby as well. He really loves walking with his brother. The two of them were calm and cooperative. It was a joy to be with them.

The day ended well with two pups who ate heartily and slept soundly. When you have a sick puppy, those simple things are so significant.

While Toby behaved with Geordie nearby on our Saturday walk, he did not do well when he and I were together. It is my fault. In most things he does so well that I don’t train him as often as I should. This evening I decided to try some training like I used to with Geordie.

To start, I grabbed three of Toby’s toys: a puppy, a kitty and a fox. I brought some treats, then I asked him to touch the animal I named. Geordie heard us having fun and came over to join in. Geordie always loved doing tricks like this. He knew so many words and instructions that it was spooky. He and Toby played this game until we ran out of snacks. It was the happiest and most engaged that I have seen Geordie in a long time.

I was so excited about what we’d accomplished that I wanted to play again, but I know you can only teach a pup for a few minutes at a time. I feel bad that I haven’t been doing this more with Geordie over the past year. His diagnosis was hard on me, and I treated him as a delicate little china dog instead of a guy who liked puzzles and games. I hope there is still time to make up for that. I want his memories of this lifetime to be happy ones. Two Cairn terriers sitting in the grass.

We got off to a rocky start, but we like walking together now.

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Sleeping in Stereo

Normally Toby likes sleeping in his kennel. He even has a performance he puts on when he wants to go in at night. For some reason, last night was an exception. He cried and whined as soon as the lights were turned out. I opened his door to see what he wanted. He didn’t go to his dish. He didn’t go to the door. Instead, he ran to the bedroom where Geordie was sleeping in the laundry.

Toby isn’t usually allowed in the bedroom because he is still young enough to be a destructive force of nature, but last night I made an exception. While Toby fussed and investigated all the corners, I decided to leave for a few minutes and let him figure things out on his own. When I came back, I found this:

Cairn terrier sleeping on bedroom floor. He had found some lap blankets and made a little bed for himself.

Geordie was less than thrilled to have The Usurper in his own private room. (Geordie and I have arguments over whose room it really is.) He huffed and puffed and made discontented noises all night to let me know he was not happy.

Life’s the same

We’re sleeping in stereo

Life’s the same

Except for the toots.

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Don’t forget, if you still have any Amazon gift cards from the holidays, a copy of Poopiter would make a great gift for yourself!

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And So It Begins

For the final act of 2018, Toby managed to get into the bathroom and grab not just the end of the toilet paper but the whole roll. “Gnaw, gnaw, gnaw” went the Toby.

And how did 2019 begin? With Toby throwing up in his bed at 4:00 a.m. “Yark, yark, yark,” went the Toby. But, dog puke is auspicious, isn’t it?

And so begins our new year….

Spitting Cottonballs

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Did you get an Amazon gift card for Christmas? Then consider ordering a copy of Poopiter for yourself!

Poopiter tells the illustrated tales of my boys during their first year together. Sure to bring a smile to your face!

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The Closet (The Coat)

I had though that the season change was off to an auspicious start when I was able to repair a purse for under $0.50. Surely this was a sign of good things to come! Not.

A quick perusal of other Winter gear showed a coat with definite cold spots. OK, it is at least 12 or 13 years old. Surely I could at least think about possibly finding a new one? Maybe one with a hood?

Thinking is about as far as you can go these days about new things. With all of the talk I hear about the flourishing economy and American-made pride, I thought I would be overwhelmed with great choices. Choices yes, but certainly not great ones.

Anyone who lives up north knows the value of a warm coat. Sadly now I do too. It is approximately a mortgage payment. I had always been lucky enough to find something at an outlet store, but there don’t seem to be any around here anymore.

A check online showed that not only are coats super expensive, but for some reason every manufacturer has decided that current coats must a) be very form-fitting and b) have a zippered turtleneck. Models demonstrate the coats’ attributes while wearing stilettos and nothing else. Really? Are we supposed to be wearing our down coats over cocktail dresses? What happened to dressing in layers? How are you supposed to fit a wool sweater under one of those? I find this level of stupidity very frustrating.

And then there’s zippered turtlenecks. That is all you can find. I loathe zippered turtlenecks. They catch on your hair. They catch on your earrings. They constantly poke you in the face. Seriously? No one could think to buck the trend and place a zipper to the collar bone then a snap-closed insulated collar? Even if I could afford a coat I would either have to hate it as-is or commit surgery and void its warranty.

So, my unfortunate puppies are closet orphans for another week as I try to once again fix what I have. Toby enjoys going through my fabric bin with me and pulling out different insulators trying to find something to help. If I can’t find anything, maybe I’ll just stuff him in there. After all, my boys are always bragging about how warm their fur is.

Cairn terrier pup standing in snow.

My fur is warm. N’yah, n’yah, n’yah!

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Don’t forget to pick up your copy of Poopiter!

Available at Amazon. Makes a great holiday gift!

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