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The Airborne Oak

Little oak tree, you can't live here. Let me take you to the woods and transplant you,

Holy crap! My right boot lace got caught on my left boot hook. My feet are tied together!

Splat!

I didn't know humans could fly. Is it legal to say those words in this state?

Ew, this is so disgusting! I am soaked clear through to my underwear.

Ow! I'm not going to be able to walk for weeks! You know what this means, don't you? No supervision!

I'll go get us something from the fridge. I'll get the toilet brush!

Yes, this was my week.  For some reason, bad things are easier to deal with in Bitey World, so I put it here.

I told my neighbor that it really says something about my place in the community that I can lie face down in a puddle of mud in the middle of the street, and people just drive by.  Am I like the town drunk where this type of behavior is expected?

I was fortunate that this accident happened only a short distance from where I live.  After landing on first my knees, then my face I was still able to hobble home.   I was planning to plant the tiny oak in a clearing next to the sideways tree, but he didn’t withstand the trauma of flying.  So sorry little one; I tried.

The puppies have been totally disgusted that we have had beautiful weather all week, and they haven’t been outside to enjoy any of it.  Their frustrations finally boiled over today.  Geordie poked me repeatedly with his nose while Toby beat me with his toy moon.  Thanks for the sympathy guys.

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Cover of the book Dream Our World

For a pleasant distraction, pick up a copy of Dream Our World.  Inside, Bitey and Toby spend a day at the museum of their dreams.

The book has a number of inside jokes (to me, anyway).  One is that the “Additional Artists” are all really me.  If you note their names, they are the letters of my name rearranged.  If you like my work and would like to commission your own piece of artwork, please visit my store for more examples.

 

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What Would Happen If….

I wonder what my boys would do at a museum? ....and so concludes our broadcast of famous museums around the world.

In Dream Our World, you are invited on an extraordinary journey of the imagination where Bitey and Toby visit the museum of their dreams. The exhibits at the MOTI have the unique twist of being depicted as the pups see them. And how is that? With the boys front and center, of course!

Bitey and Toby’s story is told in pictures, not in words. Let the paintings speak to you. Let your mind tell the story. Most of all, have fun!

Cover of the book Dream Our World

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I am both happy and sad to have this book done. I have been working on it so long that it feels like a part of me.  Inside, I have constructed a world made of pieces of my neighborhood mixed with drawings of my pups’ actual personalities.  If you read it, I hope that you enjoy the adventure!

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The Azalea According to Toby

Very sad looking little azalea plant.

Despite my best efforts to keep him away from it, Toby picked this little azalea as his favorite peeing spot over the Winter.  I can only imagine what his daily waterings did to the plant.  As you can see it doesn’t look quite like the other Spring flowers.  I am not positive, but I think it heard it murmuring something that sounded like “electric fence“.

Peek-a-boo!

I don’t know what you are complaining about.  It looks fine to me.

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There is still time to order Poopiter before reading Bitey and Toby’s next book.  It will introduce the characters and help to better explain the picture “Peppermint Girl”.

Bitey Dog and Toby in POOPITER

I will be posting a link to the new book later this week!

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Its Been an Exhausting Day

Two Cairn terriers asleep on the floor.

Just before this picture was snapped, I am sure I heard a whispered, “Mischief managed” and a light tap.  I bet if you check their pockets, you’ll find a particular map.

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As you can see, my two have mastered “We’re so bored we’re going to die”.  They are frustrated because I have been at the computer too much this past week.  I am just so close to getting this blasted book done that I don’t want to quit now.  The book is trying to quit.  It is doing everything it can to commit electronic suicide, but I keep bringing it back from the edge. If I’m successful, I may have something to post about later this week.

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Barkers (Another Bad Poem by Bitey Dog)

Cairn terrier sitting on tile floor

We bark in the morning.

We bark in the night.

We bark to surprise folks

And cause them a fright.

A squirrel on the railing

Deserves an “Awoo!”

Till our barkers stop working

Our job is not through.

                                                                                  – Bitey Dog

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Bitey and Toby’s next book is close to being done.  Hooray!  Everyone can be glad that I haven’t posted in a while because I would likely have taken over Bitey’s blog to whine and complain about how I don’t understand formatting and how my word processor is not working.  (As you can see, I did not do that today.  Bwahahaha!)

Before the next book comes out, you may want to read Poopiter.  Poopiter tells of Geordie and Toby’s first year together and how Toby kept trying to kill himself.  (He tried again last week.  Different toad, though.)

Bitey Dog and Toby in POOPITER

 

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A Trail of Evidence

This is what I found after a suspiciously quiet moment.

Two gloves lying on the floor

Blue puppy is to blame for the gloves on the floor.

Terrier peeking around corner from his hiding place.

It wasn’t me, Mom.  You can clearly see it was Blue Puppy.

Toby loves Blue Puppy, but I am finding that he is the scapegoat for a lot of things that go wrong around here.  Things where Toby is somehow nearby….

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Don’t forget to pick up a copy of Poopiter.

Bitey Dog and Toby in POOPITER

Poopiter is available at Amazon.   (Some people donate their copies to their local children’s libraries or the children’s ward at the hospital.  Kids love reading about naughty puppies.)

You’ll want to be caught up on the boys’ adventures before they start their next one which is coming up soon.  I have been working on this next book for a very long time, and it looks like I am in the final stretch.  Yeah,  I’m happy!

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Visiting the Funeral Home

Picture of a funeral home

On Monday, the boys and I accompanied Grandma to the funeral home to say goodbye to another friend and neighbor we have lost this year.  (Well, we haven’t lost them.  We know where they are, but we can’t see them from where we’re standing.)

The pups and I waited outside while Grandma went inside to pay her respects.  While we were out there, person after person came out of the building and straight over to Geordie and Toby.  They had to greet and be greeted.  They told me stories of their own beloved pups – both those who had passed and those who had recently joined the family.  Every person left with a big smile on his or her face.

Children especially seem cheered and distracted from the grief around them when there is a puppy at the funeral home.  Maybe more could consider having therapy dogs on site for those who need the comfort.  I know I would want to visit the therapy dog.

Two Cairn terriers sitting in the grass.

We’re puppies.  We can fix anything!!

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I’ve Got to Get Me One of These!

Dgo wearing coyote vest, spiked collar and coyote bristles

Not my picture.  It is borrowed from another post.

Geordie says:

A friend just posted this picture of a coyote vest.  Actually, this particular ensemble has a coyote vest, coyote bristles and a spiked collar.   Not only would this protect me from neighborhood coyotes but it would keep Mom from hugging me all the time.  Honestly, she is like Pepe Le Pew, and I am poor Penelope.  It’s awful!

Anyone want to transfer some kibble to my PayPup account?  I’ll pay ya back.  Honest.  (*cough, cough, hack*)

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Wanna catch up on what Toby and I have been up to before our next book comes out?  Then pick up a copy of Poopiter!  Poopiter tells the illustrated story of our first year together.

Bitey Dog and Toby in POOPITER

Poopiter is available at Amazon.

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