Yes, this is an actual fear of mine. With all of the “zrp! zrp! zpr!” and friction coming from these pants, I worry about inadvertently starting a natural disaster. I am sure the best solution would be to walk more…but then I would still be dealing with the whole friction situation, wouldn’t I? Nah, better to sit back and have another banana smoothie. Anyway, it’s supposed to rain tomorrow.
I know my boys would love it if you laughed at their terrible misfortunes..
Meet teeny, tiny Toby,
His toots more lethal than old socks!
And if you ever smelled them,
You’d be a pine-y box.
All of the folks around him
Looked upon his toots with fear.
On more than one occasion,
They’d been known to kill a deer.
Then one sunny afternoon
Recruiters came to ask:
“Toby with your toots so rank,
Won’t you come augment our tanks?”
Then how the nation loved him
As they sang and did a dance.
You, teeny tiny Toby
You have lethal flatulence!
The itty bitty monster was living up to his reputation again this week….
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Throw it again!
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To meet more of Bitey Dog’s friends, pick up a copy of A Tired Mommy Is a Good Mommy available at Amazon in paperback and Kindle versions.
Years ago I drew a sketch of Geordie when he was little. I thought Toby also deserved a picture that actually kind of looked like him instead of the puppy in the green sweater as I often depict him. So, this is my Toby…the bane of Geordie’s existence. Mwahahaha!
After our “pet me until I go to sleep” experience on our first night, I woke up on the second day cautiously optimistic that perhaps the puppy did like me after all. Maybe our relationship was going to be OK!
That afternoon, the puppy was engrossed with a toy, so I decided to sneak into the next room and grab the newspaper. The puppy apparently didn’t notice me leave the room, but he heard me rustle the paper and came to investigate. What did he find? A strange person!! This scared him so badly that he scrunched his eyes shut and ran screaming (Yipe! Yipe! Yipe!) as fast as his little legs would take him. He barreled right into the refrigerator but was too afraid to open his eyes to navigate and kept banging into it again and again.
I sure made an impression on my boy, didn’t I? As soon as I’d left the room, he no longer recognized me! : (
A few years ago, we had a surprise snowstorm drop nearly 30″ on us overnight. The snow fell so evenly that at first I didn’t realize how deep it was. When I tried to step outside to walk the puppy in the morning, I fell…but what made me laugh was that although I fell, I didn’t fall down. I was stuck in snow so deep that all I did was flop forward slightly at the waist.
Geordie, on the other paw, did not fare as well. Although he had to “go”, he was so unnerved by the deep snow that he wanted to go back inside right away.
I love to go exploring after a snowstorm, and today was no exception. Getting around proved to be quite a challenge, though. I didn’t have snowshoes, just boots, so wherever I stepped, I sank deeply into the snow. Geordie was just heavy enough to fall through the crust and flounder in the silky powder beneath.
To take a step, I would have to raise my lead leg as high as I could, extend it as far as it could go, then lean forward (kind of like goose-stepping). Once my weight shifted, I would end up with my trailing leg extended straight behind me, resting on the snow. I had been doing this for a while, and couldn’t believe how exhausted I was. I must be more out of shape than I realized! Until I chanced a glance back to see how the puppy was doing. This is what I found:
Through all my clothes, I couldn’t feel him standing on me.
