May the Fourth

(OK, so we’re a little late…)

Toby Wan stands with his light saber.

Here I am, Tobi Wan, the greatest Jedi knight ever! Really? Most boys play Luke Skybarker. Plus, if you're Luke, you get to be The Divine Rod when you grow up.

But by being the best Jedi ever, I might impress that hot Yorkie and get to ask her out. There is no Yorkie in Star Wars.

Sure there is. It's that tall pilot Chewie!Puppy insists that there is a Yorkie in Star Wars - the tall pilot named Chewie.

Chewie is Wookie, you ninny, not a Y orkie...and he's a guy! The Divine Rod, you say?

Back end of Cairn terrier sticks out from under the bed.

I’m so embarrassed.

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Keep small business alive by ordering a pet portrait!

Sketch of two pigs sleeping in straw.

(Or, if you are feeling particularly ornery, call it a spouse picture.)

Toby pleads with you to go to my website L Bowman Studios and order something.  Otherwise, he is going to have to keep going for walks with me ten times a day.

You can also order a copy of Dream Our World where Bitey and Toby go to the museum of their dreams.

Cover of the book Dream Our World

Dream Our World is available at Amazon.

Come On Guys, Let’s Go!

Come on, guys! Let's go!

 

Ugh, why do we have to suffer whenever she overindulges?

Come on Toby.  Let’s be fair.  The real reason you are being taken on three walks a day is because you chewed up my book, ate a note pad, tipped over the trash can, climbed up on the bed and stole a hankie, ran through the house with my underwear…do I need to go on?

Bored terrier lies next to his tennis ball.

No, I know.

After my scale-crunching last post, I have been cutting back on portions and walking more (all the things panicked chubby humans do).  Today I checked, and I found that I had lost -4 pounds.

I guess with everything else in the world being upside down, I shouldn’t be surprised that the laws of physics are too.

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Escape your claustrophobic world with a fanciful adventure to visit the Museum of the Imagination in Dream Our World.  Inside, Bitey and Toby enjoy a day of unsupervised fun while viewing  art from a canine perspective.

Cover of the book Dream Our World

Dream Our World is available from Amazon.

 

 

 

Toby’s Book Club

What are you doing? I am reading a Mitch Rapp book so that I can be a super spy, too!

That's not how it works. You have to EAT the book to absorb its power. Really? Well, OK.

You want some Parmesan with that? No, I'm good.

Family sent me a book recently.  Toby got a hold it before I did.  He declared the book…

Chewed up cover of the book Wild Land.

Chewed cover of the book Wild Land.

Comestible!

Cairn terrier puppy hold his food bowl.What did I say in the last post, Ma?

More food in the dish; fewer books in the tummy.

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If you would like your very own Bitey Dog to “eat” thing around the house, get The Bitey Dog Lunch Bag!

Just like real Bitey Dog, this bag is always hungry.  You can fill him with your lunch (which you know you are going to do anyway.  I mean, look at those eyes!) and take him to work/school.

Bitey Dog Lunch Bag

Bitey Dog Lunch Bag enjoys some of the same activities as real Bitey Dog.  He likes peeking between flowers.

Bitey Dog Lunch Bag sits looking out of window.

 He likes watching out the window.

Bitey Dog Lunch Bag lying open.

He’ll lie on his back, begging for food…

Bitey dog Lunch Bag butt.

 ..and he’ll turn his tail to you if you aren’t quick enough.

Add Bitey Dog Lunch Bag to your family today!

Bitey Dog Lunch Bag is an original design and is handmade.  He is completely washable, but do not iron.  Between his fuzzy pin wale corduroy exterior and his cotton lining is a layer of Insul-fleece to keep you warm foods warm and your cool ones cool.  To adopt Bitey Bag, contact me here or through my website:  L Bowman Studios .

Bitey Dog Lunch Bag is $45 + shipping.

 

 

How Did This Happen?

Oh dear, how did this happen?

Nom, nom, nom. Woman wolfs down large plate of food.

Oh yeah. Total mystery, that one.

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Cairn terrier puppy hold his food bowl.

I’m tellin’ you Ma, if you would give more to me,

you wouldn’t weigh as much.

Sadly, I have been having trouble buttoning my clothes lately.  If I were to want new clothes, though, they are considered “unessential”, so I can’t go to the store to try on and buy new.  That leaves me with few options…

.And just like that, Edith didn't have to worry about social distancing.(Not my image.)  (Tastefullyedited for my audience.)

 

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To keep IRL Toby in biscuits and kibble, consider purchasing many copies of Dream Our World the next time you need a gift for home-bound family of friends!

Cover of the book Dream Our World

Come with Bitey and Toby as they tour the Museum of the Imagination.  There they view the world of art from a canine perspective and enjoy a day of unsupervised fun.  (Of course it is unsupervised.  All the humans are forbidden to be out!)

Dream Our World is available from Amazon.

 

Today I Am A Man!

Sketch of Doberman peeing on a pole with his leg lifted.

Now I am a man too! In your face! This might mean more if you weren't carrying your stuffies around all the time.

Stuffies aren't manly?

CAirn terrier lies next to stuffed toys.

Stuffies are too manly!!

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Without much to do during this lock down, I am expecting a baby boom late this year and early next.  If it happens that you will be welcoming a new life to your family or circle of friends, consider giving him or her a beautiful handmade quilt.

Handmade ASL/American Sign Language Quilt with stuffed monkey posing on top.

Handmade American Sign Language/ASL Quilt

This ASL/American Sign Language Quilt is crib sized (41.5″ x 47.25″) and is an original design of mine.  The quilt is made using hand applique, hand embroidery and hand quilting techniques, so it is quite time consuming to make.  The shell is entirely cotton with a cotton/bamboo batting.

If you can help my quilt find a happy home, I would be most appreciative.    (The cost is $725 with shipping determined by ZIP code.   You can contact me here or  through my website L Bowman Studios ).

We Need Heroes (But Not You)

Mommy is drawn inside of the Ghost Buster symbol

When this virus first arrived, the news was filled with horror stories of shortages.  It saddened me to read of so much need and know there was nothing I could do.  But wait.  The Red Cross needed blood.  Surely I could at least donate blood!

Off I trekked to the Red Cross website to find the nearest donation location only to find that I do not qualify.   Despite being lumpy and chubby, I do not meet their weight criteria.  (I am not underweight, I am just very short.)  Even in this time of crisis, my gift is unwanted.

Bad girl.  No cookie.

Who, me? I wouldn't pee on the sunflowers.

Did someone mention cookies?

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To make sure  my puppy remains happily plump enough to escape the Puppy Traffickers as well as donate blood…order a copy of Dream Our World!

Cover of the book Dream Our World

In Dream Our World, Bitey and Toby visit the Museum of the Imagination where they insert themselves into the artwork.  Plus, they get to enjoy a day of unsupervised fun because all the humans are banned from public spaces.

Dream Our World would make a great gift for someone stuck at home!

Dream Our World is available from Amazon.

Who Was That Masked Dog?

Geordie: Why are you wearing that? You know dogs can't get Covid 19. Toby: Yes but now all the girls wil think I am a doctor.

Toby: OK ladies, Marcus Welby is in the house! Geordie: He probably shouldn't watch so many late night reruns.

Toby will do anything to impress the ladies.

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Have a special occasion coming up but can’t get to the store to buy a present? Then order a copy of Dream Our World to be sent to your family or friend.

Cover of the book Dream Our World

The Museum of the Imagination is one of the only museums in the world that is open right now.  Come along with Bitey and Toby to view the world of art from a canine perspective and have free rein in the museum with all of the humans at home.

Dream Our World is available from Amazon.

Escaping the Puppy Traffickers

Sketch of puppy writing about his traumatic ordeal.

My name is Toby.  I am a Cairn terrier.  This is a true story of what happened to me in my own words.

Drawing of puppy sleeping near a window with cloudy skies outside. Inside, his bowl is empty.

Today started out like so many others – with cloudy skies and not enough grub.  But wait, today isn’t the same.  Mom’s purse and keys are out.   Maybe today won’t suck after all.

Drawing of a purse and keys

I had to wait interminable months for afternoon to roll around before we began our trip.   I bounced around on the passenger seat looking out the windows for familiar landmarks.  “Where are we going?” I kept asking.  I should have known something was wrong when she would not answer.  She avoided looking at me and stared straight ahead.

Frightened puppy is pulled from his mother by a masked and gloved figiure. Mom turns her head away.

Finally we pulled into an empty lot.  A shadowy figure in a Hazmat suit glided over.  Mom rolled down the window and shoved me toward this earthbound alien.  “Mommy!  Mommy!”  I cried as I reached for her, but she refused to make eye contact and turned her head away.

Little puppy being stripped of his sweater by a vet tech.

After taking me inside of their disinfectant-scented lair, the latex-clad demons rubbed my fur between their fingers and declared me to be “blown”.  (Not in a long time, sister!)   They said I needed to be “stripped”.  Of what?  My dignity? Let me tell you, it’s already gone.

a naked Toby stands self-consciously.

Naked and afraid, I was carried into a laboratory and plopped onto a cold, steel table.  There they poked  and prodded and squeezed me where nothing but my girlfriend’s nose should ever go.  To distract myself I stared at the wall in front of me.

No, not that one. Get one from the freezer.

Hey, I thought they were supposed to use the ear kind!

A sign hung there declared this person to be a Doctor of Veterinary Medicine.   Under whom did she study?  Dr. Mengele?!  I was poised to snap when someone grabbed my jaws and pried them apart.  Gloved hands were rudely shoved into my mouth.  I spit and snorted, but the violation of my self continued.

Puppies in stacked kennels cry

As the masked figures stepped back to gather more torture instruments, I had a brief glimpse through the open door.  There was a wall of cages filled with frightened pups cowering against thin blankets tossed carelessly at the bottom of their wire prisons.  I realized that I was headed there too.  Abandoned by our families, we were now victims of puppy traffickers.

I have heard of such things with humans.  Unscrupulous traffickers will give their victims drugs to get them hooked so they will compliantly do what they are told.  The shadowy “doctors” came at me from both sides, each carrying a syringe big enough for a horse.  They jab me cruelly in my legs.  Quickly their toxins began to work on me.  I started to feel woozy and disoriented.

Toby after having his nails trimmed

Before I could get my bearings, they came at me with tree loppers and – aaagh!! – they cut off my legs!  Oh the pain!  The pain!  I wanted to run, but with no legs I couldn’t move.*

Sketch of little dog being picked up by his collar

The lights swirled around me.  Voices grew near than faded.  I heard a piece of paper being torn and felt a sharp pain in my hind end.  Unceremoniously I was shoved through the front door.  Alone on the cold concrete, I turned and found a yellow note with the word “FAT” scribbled on it stapled to my butt.  Toby with a "Fat" sign stapled t ohis butt.

 

I can only conclude that the extra biscuits I purloined are what saved me from being yet another dog on that wall of cages, waiting to be handed off to some pervert to sit in his stinking, crumb-filled lap.  Puppies, eat everything you can.  The few extra pounds you put on may render you too large for those overly fussy pupophiles and save your life.

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* They trimmed Toby’s nails.

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I don’t know what happened inside the vet’s office, but when the tech came outside and handed me Toby’s leash, she laughed and said, “Your dog is so funny!”. Uh oh.  I hope he hasn’t been telling stories…

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In case you do like puppy stories, consider picking up a copy of Dream Our World.  Not only will your purchase help small business, it would make  perfect gift for someone stuck inside during the quarantine!

Cover of the book Dream Our WorldFamily members are still going to need birthday presents, and right now no one can get to the store.  I can conveniently deliver this book to you or your loved ones so they do not feel deprived while isolated.

Inside, Bitey and Toby visit the Museum of the Imagination and view the world of art from a canine perspective.  Since real museums are closed, this is one of the few ways to experience some culture.  (Ha ha.)

 

 

Buckeyes

Drawing of a buckeye

What? Are you guys planning to go to Ohio State when you grow up? Go Buckeyes!

This day was so perfect! Nothing could possibly spoil it.

Toby innocently stands there, wondering what mommy is looking at.

Just wait till you see what I left for you in your shoe.

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Are you stuck at home for the next two weeks?  Possibly with small  children who need to be both entertained and educated?  Then get yourself a copy of Dream Our World Dream Our World will allow you to introduce your children to something called “books” that were made from trees in the old days.

Cover of the book Dream Our World

Inside, Bitey and Toby visit a museum (all the real ones are closed, by the way) and view the world of art from a canine perspective.  They also get to explore the museum without any supervision.  Do they act like little gentlemen or naughty puppies?  Hmmm, I wonder…

Dream Our World is available from Amazon.