cold

The Greatest Christmas Gift

In grade school we had to do a play where characters needed to learn that the greatest gift was not gold or silver but love. I have come to learn that the greatest gift is not love: it’s poop.

Scherenschnitte=type picture of two doggies pooping.

Across north America we faced unusually cold temperatures over the Christmas holiday. In this area it was -5 with a windchill of -30 for days. I know other parts of the country had far worse weather (and our hearts go out to you!), but this was the worst that Toby had ever encountered.

My boy was willing to run out and do super-quick #1s, but when it came to #2 he said he could wait. And wait he did…for days and days. By Christmas eve, he was the crankiest puppy I had ever encountered. He had two meltdowns that day, just like a human toddler. He was in such a mood that he decided to start opening presents – any presents – even those not his.

I tried to tell him it was OK if he went inside. I even set out some piddle pads just in case. I told him he could go anywhere he wanted and not be in trouble, but he just looked at me as if I were crazy to even suggest such a thing. Sneakily I kept giving him pumpkin and coconut water, trying to make going so easy that he could get done before his paws froze to the ground.

Finally, late at night as shepherds kept watch and angels sang, Toby finally went #2. Of all the gifts I got for Christmas, I think this was the best.

Silly. Any dog could have told you that poop is the greatest gift.

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In case your taste in gifts doesn’t run toward poo, consider a soft, warm cardigan. Classically styled Tweed Cardigans are comfortable enough to wear on chilly evenings at home yet handsome enough to wear to work or even to religious services. Hand knit of a merino wool/alpaca/Donnegal tweed blend, this extra soft cardigan will wrap you or your loved one in warmth for years to come.

Tweed Cardigans and other fine gifts are available from my shop at L Bowman Studios.


			

			
								


		
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Dressed for Snow

		
		

						

Hey mom, we wanna go outside! Hold on. It's cold out. I need to get dressed first.





Ha ha! Look, it's Ralphie's little brother! No wait, it's Kenny from South Park!





Maybe we should have quit while we were ahead.










Yeah, it’s best not to piss off the mama.





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Madison House wall hanging sized quilt.





Is it chilly at your house?   Could your walls use a bit of rustic decoration?  Then consider adding this lovely Madison House Quilt  to your decor!  For a full description and pricing, click here.  Shipping is free on domestic orders.





Madison House Quilt and many other fine gifts are available from my shop.

					


		
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Fever Dreams

		
		

						
I come upon a river of sandpaper and razor blades.


This water is no fun to drink.


Maybe if I lie on my other side, it will get better.


Hayricks with yellow circles.


(Not my picture.)


Take note of the hayricks!


The what?  Haystacks?


Hayricks!  Remember the Hayrick Protocol!


Gather the yellow circles.  See how they give you strength?   Grab them.  Stab them with the fork.


Yes, I guess I do feel better.


Green and red sneeze


Splat! Morning arrives with red and green, but no Christmas.  Soon, an entire laundry load of handkerchiefs.   This shouldn’t happen to a woman.  It is something teenage boys would enjoy – waving their gelatinous banners in arms held high while chasing little sisters around the house to hear them scream.


I raise my arm and stare at it.  Crepey,..crepey…  When did this happen?  I can’t remember, but I keep staring.


Relax.  You don’t have to worry.  The cigarettes are legal now.


But cigarettes already were legal.


Relax!  Don’t you feel better now that they are legal?  The trunk of your car is filled with them.   You can rest.


Two nights slip by so softly and silently I am not aware of their coming or going.  It is bliss.


Cairn terrier sleeping in laundry


(Why does she get to cough, but I get yelled at for barking?)


Toby has stopped hiding my slippers and stealing my sandwiches.  Now he keeps vigil at the door, waiting to save me from the fever.


I didn’t get the present I wanted.  For my birthday,  I wanted a masseur to travel in time to this moment to fix my leg cramps.  I still hurt; I must not have gotten my wish.


Oh, and don’t forget the local dentist who spent $82,000 on two commercials only to generate a mere $2,400 in business.


Is that true?


Is any of this?


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Once again, this post is based on actual events.


I’ve been ill for nearly three weeks, and I am sick and tired (ha ha)  of this stupid virus.  For the first two weeks, Toby was an ornery little devil who caused a lot of mischief because it was fun.  By week three when the fevers started, he sensed something was different.  Now he sticks close to me and gets concerned if a coughing fit is too strong.  It is really nice to have someone who cares.  Geordie just used to yell at me when I got sick.  Ha!  Such a different fellow!


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To visit a dream world that is a lot more fun than the ones where I have been recently, pick up a copy of Dream Our World.  Inside, Bitey and Toby visit the Museum of the Imagination.  There they envision themselves into the famous works of art and make commentary on each piece without saying a word.


Cover of the book Dream Our World


This book is difficult to do justice in its description  It really is a sweet and charming book with plenty of humor.  Readers from grade school age through folks in their 90s have all enjoyed visiting with the boys.


Dream Our World is available from Amazon.


 


 


 

					


		
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The Flower Garden

		
		

						
A single yellow daffodil flower.


So far, this is the bounty of our flower garden.  I was fortunate to snap this picture before 6″ of snow fell on  the poor little flower and bent his stem.  Although the flower is intact, now it looks like he is kissing the dirt.


The flowers may not be enjoying the cold, but the puppies are going nuts for it.  Oh yes, and they peed on the flower.


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Welcome Spring!

		
		

						
After the Storm


Me:  Welcome Spring!


Spring: Hello!  Here, I’ve brought you a present.


Me:  Gee, thanks.


Geordie & Toby:  Yippee!!  Yippee!!


My boys are pretty excited about this recent snow.  Toby loves snow and would live outside in it if he could.  Geordie is thrilled because he was supposed to go to the vet this morning, but they cancelled because the staff could not get to the office.


I have a sneaking suspicion that March was weighing her options for “In like a lion, out like a lamb” and decided that lamby meant “white and fluffy”.  She is just keeping her promise to us.


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Or, learn what life was like before Toby’s arrival in A Tired Mommy Is a Good Mommy.


Cover 8 (800x778)


Available from Amazon.

					


		
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A Drift of Snowbies

		
		

						
Snowby gazing lying on his back, gazing up at the stars.


Snowby lists to starboard.


Snowby with no head.


When I started writing this, I wondered if there happened to be a measure word for groups of snowmen like “a murder of crows” or “a tuxedo of penguins”.   Most of these interesting words are terms of venery – or words used by hunters.  Since no one hunts snowmen, there isn’t a ready made word for gatherings of them.  Drift actually refers to groups of pigs, but I thought it was particularly appropriate for snowmen.


This drift occurred Saturday.  After I walked the boys for the last time, I sneaked outside and had fun building the biggest snowballs I could manage.  I had two snowbies (snowbys?) facing the road and another lying on its back gazing at the stars.  By morning when I could get pictures of them, one was listing seriously to starboard, and the other had lost its head completely.  (It is a shame because under its head is a lovely hydrangea hat that I had given it.)


I found out later that the neighbors had fun speculating about the supine snowby that appeared overnight.  Did he fall over, or was he just lazy?


That yellow snow? Don't ask.


That yellow snow?  Don’t ask.


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Happy Gotcha Day

		
		

						
 


Happy Gotcha Day, Toby!


Gotcha Day? Yes, the day you were adopted. I'm adopted? But I always thought I looked like Mommy.Toby’s Gotcha Day is coming up this week, and I thought we would celebrate.


Cairn terrier puppy sleeping in kennel.


It’s hard to believe he was such a tiny thing when I first met him.


It’s funny.  There are so many things I want to say about my little boy today, but as I sit down to write I am getting all choked up.  Maybe I’ll just let the pictures do the talking.


Two Cairn terriers on a cold day


Here is Geordie being angry that he had to walk on his own paws while the puppy got carried.  This was the coldest day of that particular Winter and the puppy’s first day outside.  (Maybe that’s why he loves the snow so much.)


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The Coldest I Can Remember

		
		

						
 


Thermometer readsd zero.


This is how we started our morning.  I thought it was cold the day Toby arrived at 11 degrees, but we were nearly 20 degrees colder today.  I was shocked to see that by 10:00 pm, it had climbed to 30 degrees.  At night!  We haven’t seen mercury at night in weeks!


There have been some changes in dog laws in this area to restrict the amount of time your dog can be outside in these kinds of temps.  That is a great thing, but Toby has yet to get the memo.  If it were up to him, he would live outside.  He LOVES snow and can’t get enough of it.  His favorite thing is for someone to kick snow up in the air so he can leap up and try to catch it.   If the snow is too packed, he will kindly dig to loosen it so you can create a spray for him.  I have indulged His Naughtiness enough that now I am gimpy from pulled muscles.


Thanks, Snow Monster, I needed another reason for people to make fun of me.

					


		
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