Tee Hee! She’ll never even know I was here!
I guess he thought I could sleep through this.
Author: Bitey Dog
Pumpkin Beard
Based on actual events.
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On Wednesday mom had to turn the compost. She let me in the garden with her but told me not to pee on the cabbages. I didn’t. I was a good boy. Instead I peed on my leash. Then while she tried to grab a non-peey part of my leash, I ran over and stuck my head in compost juice. (Her mix is too green and not enough brown so it smells very, very nasty…just the way we puppies like it.)
Oh, wait. Something can.
I told you stories about me were more interesting!
Come and read more stories about my boys’ adventures in Dream Our World. Inside my two little monsters view the world of art from a canine perspective and enjoy a day of unsupervised fun.
Dream Our World is available from my shop and from Amazon.
Further Down the Rabbit Hole
Yes, while my head was still grotesquely swollen from bee stings, I woke up to my right eye drooping half-way down my face like a stroke victim.
Seriously, you’re not going to make me walk with her in public, are you?
At my follow up eye appointment I had to discuss with the doctor whether or not I had had a stroke. That’s always fun. The doctor suggested my condition might be Bell’s Palsy. I had disregarded that thought initially because the symptoms weren’t constant. I guess they don’t have to be.
My mom took pity on me and my homemade eye aids and got me a pair of sleep goggles. They are supposed to create a seal to protect your eyes from air and to lock in moisture. Unfortunately I am not a adult-sized human so they are too large to fit inside of my orbital bones, and they gap. They do block out the light nicely.
Both Bell’s Palsy and logopthalmos (sleeping with your eyes open) have to do with damage to a nerve. Out of curiosity I googled whether chiropractics might help Bell’s Palsy, and the answer was yes. The doctor said that Bell’s Palsy usually only lasts a year or two, but if I could shorten that, I would be happy. Happy enough to cry? We’ll see. (Ha ha)
Toby doesn’t care about my eye situation – unless I step on him when they covered. He prefers to concentrate on his “Sexy Parties”. (Note how one of Toby’s may female admirers is giving him a kiss at this get together.)
Toby is the only boy on our walks, and he loves the attention of so many ladies.
More stories about me, and less about your crap!
For more of Geordie and Toby’s stories, pick up a copy of Dream Our World. Inside, the two boys visit the museum of their dreams and enjoy a day of unsupervised fun!
Dream Our World is available from my shop and from Amazon.
Qap
I’ve been getting a lot of “Third Eye” comments lately too.
Don’t try to kid yourself. You always look like that.
In case you were wondering, “Qap” is Klingon for “The Bee Sting”. Believe it or not, if you go to Google Translate, you can translate words into Klingon.
For an adventure that needs no translation, pick up a copy of Dream Our World. Inside, my two boys go on an adventure of the imagination in the art museum of their dreams.
Dream Our World is available both from my shop and from Amazon.
Giving Back
No one said it was a rational thought, but it’s what I was wondering as I watched a bat the other night.
Let’s call her Edith. Why? ‘Cause she’s such a dingbat!
Don’t forget to pick up a copy of Dream Our World. You will want to brag to friends that you had your copy before the book becomes fabulously famous Inside, Bitey and Toby visit the museum of their dreams and enjoy a day of unsupervised fun!
Dream Our World is available from my shop and from Amazon.
The Colander
I did now know that “riddle” and “griddle” were also synonyms for colander. Hmm, think I might go riddle me some spaghetti…
Come with my boys an an adventure of a lifetime in Dream Our World!
Inside these two puppies visit an art museum and enjoy a day of unsupervised fun.
Dream Our World is available from my store and from Amazon.
Real Disease / Stupid Name
I know. Nearly every person in the country suffers from Chronic Dry Eye. Somehow I managed to get such a whopping bad case of it that I had to go to the doctor on Monday. The assistant winced when she looked at me. Her comment was that it is easy to forget how painful and debilitating this condition can be.
Now I am on a two week course of steroids. I was curious if steroid drops would make you hungry like pills can do. I’m gonna say “yes”. Yes, its the steroids and not boredom or social isolation.
Actually Mom, I am hungry even more often than you.
On one paw, Toby hasn’t minded me eating more often because he gets to screen my meals for content. On the other paw, he is ticked that the goop I have to put in my eyes means that sometimes I can’t see him clearly and step on the fur of his tail.
You expect me to believe that is by accident?
Despite what you claim, I do not blend in with the carpet!!
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Well, my boys are en route to New York where they will get to sniff and play in another museum. The director has agreed to look at the book to see if it might be suitable for their gift shop or one of their special programs.
Dream Our World is available from my store and at Amazon.
The New Mug
Don’t worry. Toby is fine. He doesn’t have to go to the vet; I do.
I don’t need the vet. I’m perfect.
I thought I had a handle on my eye problems, but on Monday my eye swelled up like a Greg Nicotero creation. When Friday came along and I still wasn’t feeling well, I decided to call the doctor. We’ll find out on Monday if I can go back to being me or if I have to move to Georgia to work as an extra on The Walking Dead.
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If you are in or might be visiting New York City, don’t forget to stop by The Museum of the Dog! Help to rebuild NYC while celebrating humankind’s best friend. If you can’t go in person, consider buying a gift from the museum’s gift shop.
Curious what pups might do in a museum geared for dogs? Then pick up a copy of Dream Our World.
Dream Our World is fun for all ages. It is available from my shop and from Amazon.
Blue and Yellow
Based on actual events.
Guess how I found out Toby could jump high enough to reach the counter?
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On the recommendation of our dear friend Max, I did check out the AKC’s Museum of the Dog. Oh my gosh, I had no idea such a place existed! It is located in New York City, but I think there should be branches in cities all over the world.
Unfortunately I missed the deadline for submitting a work to be considered for their Dog Days of Summer exhibit which started yesterday. I doubt I would have been chosen, but it would have been a hoot to try. Instead I have been trying to contact the museum to see if a book about a couple of familiar terriers might be a good fit with their gift shop. So far just voice mail messages and email forms but no replies. Toby says he is very much interested in getting into this museum so he can play like Ben Stiller when everyone goes home.
If you would like to see what my boys like to do when they are alone in a museum, pick up a copy of Dream Our World. Dream Our World is available both from my shop and from Amazon.
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What’s Going On In The Garden?
Beets me!
Really, this is how large it was. Not a record-breaker, but still pretty good sized.
Believe it or not, these are both cucumbers.
The cucumber on the left was 18″ long and nearly 3 lbs. The one on the right was even bigger. (I have a friend with some funny tales about a neighbor who accidentally made cucumber bread instead of zucchini bread.) The yellow one was as sour as a lemon. Interesting…a self-pickling cucumber!
Okra – still pretty tasty despite being large.
Thankfully the watermelon was regular sized.
This year was the shortest garden season we’ve ever had. It lasted less than three weeks. The the beginning of the month we had slightly cooler temperatures and a little rain, and everything exploded. After that we were back to high heat and drought. I couldn’t believe that I actually had to buy a zucchini from the store this summer. Normally I find myself tricking the neighbors saying things like “This one would be perfect for zucchini bread!’ then foisting off a green baseball bat on them. This afternoon I finished pulling up about half of my plants. It is too hot and too late in the season for them to produce more. It is sad to know that the garden is basically done.
Gallery o’ Weird Vegetables
(from years gone by)
Get your mind out of the gutter. Those are sweet potatoes.
Somehow I seem to end up with mostly oddly shaped food. Perhaps that is why nobody want to come over for dinner.
I’ll have dinner with you…as long as it’s beans!
(Max, don’t look)
If your young man will be starting back to in-class school soon, it might be hard to find clothes since most stores and malls are closed. Stop by my store to see what is available to help your child make those important first impressions.
The Adventures of Bitey Dog 